06/10/15(Wed)18:53:05 No.26129172 File: STACKER (362 Help my fuck I've got one from just last year >Be 23 >STALKing innawoods (Arkansas Ozarks) with some new gear been saving for for months >Boots, ta

06/10/15(Wed)18:53:05 No.26129172
File: STACKER
(362
Help my fuck
I've got one from just last year
>Be 23
>STALKing innawoods (Arkansas Ozarks) with some new gear been saving for for months
>Boots, tacvest, my fuck even a milsurp gas mask. It was like christmas
>Being where was (and wanting to field test some personal prototypes), had my nugget on-hand. Wouldn't much against the Big Bears, but ruin any snakelstray day right to hell
>Had a couple strippers and two Klippazines™ built and wanted to field-test in my pouches, some rolled-up targets stuck in my loops, and a light complement of survival gear (compass, topo map, thermal blanket, spare undies, extra boolet, MREs, canteen
and camelbak, amphetamines, bugspray, rope, spikes, mallet, E-tool, shower powder, baby powder, the works)
done nothing heretical to my Nagant, swear. Klippazines™ are what call the {ету rigged "magazines" custom-built from old cannibalized mags and sheet metal. They fit right onto any nugget's feed if you pull the floorplate out. I've also done some
Heinlein-esque mods to my gas mask, an airtight [at least now] water feed. But digress)
>Basically practicing for the inevitable invasion
>I was having a fucking great time romping around the woods, playing with my FOV in the mask, testing the reliability of the Klippazines™, generally having fun.
next to a creek bed and decided it was time to practice my Tictacs. It was late fall, so no danger of getting my gear wet in the nonexistent stream (shit was in more danger of water damage from my sweat)
>After triple-checking my safety, proceeded to a series of and uphill hustles in full survivalist gear
>needless to say got winded right-quick
06/10/15(Wed)19:03:52
File: bear jpg (107
>I stood panting in that dry stream bed and decided to check my
ition with my topo map and compass so could set a course for home
>In the middle of orienteering myself, caught wind of a smell (inb4 "BLUD COOPER" it wasn't)
first assumed И was sweaty fumunda, but the funk quickly evolved into something fucking worse.
>A dark undercurrent of rot, deep notes of animal musk, a bassy score of raw garbage punctuated garlicky timpani, and a thick black score of something between skunk and rotting onion sludge: a symphony of stench
>And the conductor decided to skip the Adagio and drive the Opening Movement straight into the Scherzo because that shit was getting stronger
>I went into str8 Operating mode: popped an Addy from my pouch for extra focus, pulled the Klippazine™ from my nugget (it seemed to be working fine, but if was gonna have to shoot something, prefer not to have
ANY risk of jamming)
and nearly puked up that Addy tab. The smell was THAT strong at this point. Whatever the source was, it was definitely mobile and getting closer
>Fuck it, pulled my mask up from around my neck and pulled it over my face
>It helped slightly, but my FUCKING DUMBASS WATER LINE wasn't 100% airtight around the joint
>I walked cautiously and slowly along the creekbed to where the slope was shallowest, listening for twigsnap or animal sounds from above
>I definitely heard something around up there, and it sounded bigger than what my nugget was up for
>И was а near-constant snuffle-grunt, and sloppy, uncoordinated crunching around bark and leaves. That mixed with the smell and mind immediately jumped to "Big Bear”
>RABID Big Bear.
у
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06/10/15(Wed)19:24:56 No.26129459
File: brown bear jpg (26
Let me tell you about Ozark Big Bears, straight from my Dad's mouth.
Dad's lived in the Ozarks for 58 years, and in that time only two things have managed to shake him: the challenges of fatherhood, and the Big Bears.
According to him, the native Black Bears were hunted to near-extinction between the and To correct this the ANRC, NRCS, and Arkansas Fish Game Commission released 250 bears into the Ozark and Ouachita mountains.
Their website insists that they were all Black Bears.
My dad insists that this is bullshit.
According to him, more than a few of the bears released into the Ozarks had been Brown Bears, and that they had interbred with the few remaining locals and the reintroduced Blacks.
Thanks to a little phenomenon known as "Hybrid Vigor,” the resulting offspring were bigger and meaner than their parents, and fuck me were also fertile.
When I asked him to prove it, he simply left the summer porch, went upstairs, and came back with a manila folder labeled He pulled out a couple polaroids and asked me to take a look.
1 saw a big, black-and brown SOMETHING rooting around behind a Dad directed my attention to the clothesline about 50 feet away from strung between two poles about 56" off the ground. The same clothesline in the picture. The SOMETHING's shoulder was about a length under the
line, despite being in the goddamn background. looked through the other pictures: one of them rooting in the trash, another barely concealed trees, all of them slightly shaky; detail was hard to come but was convinced.
Operator 06/10/15(Wed)19:37:31 No.26129598
File: woods jpg (33
taking some classes at ATU til the so no dice. But I'll tripfag up and put my email in the options box so you can bug me about it then, in case forget to make a thread or something.
My
told me two things about how to avoid getting my shit shredded the Big Bears:
‘One, Big Bears are stupid as shit, sumthin’ to bein’ hybrids. This more dangerous than other bears, because they ain't you. This also smell like shit, and you'll зтеет comin’ a mile off. If you smell a Big Bear, get inside and get upstairs but
take the shotgun first and some deer slugs.”
“And Two, if you see а Big Bear, and you ain't at home, or you ain't got a shotgun loaded with slugs, HIDE. Up a tree if you can. They're you, and it ain't no use runnin’
you all this, because after 23 years finally managed to prove dad wrong about something. Well,
There's something in the Ozarks that match my dad's pictures of Big Bears, but whatever they are, they sure as fuck aren't bears.
Operator 06/10/15(Wed)19:57:34 No.26129803
File: Sulidor.png (2.05
Back to the woods.
>I would've stayed in that creek bed and waited for the SOMETHING to fuck off on its business, but the light was already slanting through the trees and as bad as my dad made Big Bears sound sure as fits didn't want to be stuck with a goddamned rabid one after dark
instead opted to climb up the opposite edge of the creek bed. Had to scramble over some big rock outcroppings and half-lean against the slope of a hill, but figured that if anything that would be one more layer of protection against the SOMETHING.
>I had gotten a few glimpses of the SOMETHING over my shoulder as climbed, but this was my first good look at i.
>I just fucking stared
>Like said in my previous post, this wasn't a fucking bear. It was but not a bear.
>I've been into Sci-fi my entire life mods to my gas mask), and even got Barlowe's Guide to Extraterestrials from my awesome (late) Stepmom, so when saw the SOMETHING for the first time, my fucking nerd-brain immediately went a Sulidor.” [pic related]
>Except it looked like а Sulidor, a Grizzly Bear, and a Sloth had a three-way on top of a garbage heap to make it. It had а long prognathous snout like a stubby-ass trunk, big angular shoulders, feet that looked like manhole covers covered in dirty matted fur, and a body like a fury blimp. Its fur was
the same charcoal-black/day-glo brown saw in the pictures, and full of mats and clumps of dirt
fucking STARED at it, drinking in the details, trying to make fucking SENSE of what was looking at for a solid two and а half minutes, and it SOMEHOW noticed me.
>Jesus, these things /were/ dumb.
remember feeling а twinge of relief: hadn't noticed me trying to scrabble out of a rocky gully, it won't notice me sneaking away.
>That was when farted
Anonym
2
4
2
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Operator
File: gorpface jpg (108
fuck. My email is
‘.com if you fee! inclined to ask for pics а month from now.
>The SOMETHING stopped, my breath stopped, my heart stopped
if
only sound in those woods was my fucking fart echoing and the sound of my nose blistering under the SOMETHING's odiferous assault,
>Like slow-mo, the thing tumed its head, looked back at me, sniffed the air, and STOOD UP.
>It had been shuffling around crouched low to the ground the entire time
>What had thought were shoulderblades were its fucking elbows. It could tie its shoes without bending down, but its paws probably would've crushed its air jordans to bits, they were like trash can lids.
TAN
>И sniffed the air again, and coughed/barked like it was asking me а goddamn question
>"GORP?"
у
on me mum, that's what it fucking sounded like:
>be me
>be dumb fuck who doesn't listen to his dad
у
у
>be awkward cringelord who fucking farts when he's trying to sneeki breeki away from a goddamn "Gorp.”
>aim for center mass
we
>Fire
>The bullet
‘thwock” into the gorp (because hey, if you're gonna die might as well give your killer a stupid name in your head, right?) as much as it “thwumpfed.”
A
>There was a puff of dirt and hair when it thwumpfed, and (bless my luck) the gorp FLINCHED from the impact
>wait for blood
>I guess that gorps are so covered in nasty hair mats that over time their poor hygiene gives them natural body armor because that thing didn't fucking bleed
К
Ozark Operator 06/10/15(Wed)20:28:56 No.26130185
File: splintercat2
(13
5
>What it did was rear up and "СОВТН!"
it me, a low grow! that my colon decided was a waming because it was producing bricks enough to construct a barricade.
>I worked the bolt and fired another shot, this time at its ugly face
>this time it thwocked
4
>so did the dirt a dozen feet to the fucker's left because IT RICOCHETED OFF OF ITS FUCKING SKULL!
И
>the gorp just stood there, staring at me, like it was too dumb to realize it could've stood in the stream bed and grabbed me the face while pelted it with useless boolet and shit myself
>I yelled at it and fired a third shot in any direction at all, trying to scare it off
>the gorp or gorth or Big Bear or whatever it was dropped to all fours, lurched toward me once, then did a 360 and shuffled away
>И. Worked.
>I stood there until the sky tumed from blue to orange before snapped out of it and tactically retreated back home
Sulidor
>When I got back, told my dad EVERYTHING probably should've mentioned that I was visiting him for a few days...cops). He could probably smell "Big Bear” on me, and it's no use lying to him
>When got to the part about what the "Big Bears” really were, he refused to believe me. Then he got pissed at me. Then he locked the doors and camped out upstairs for the rest of our visit. had to fucking bring him beer from downstairs when we wanted to shoot the shit.
>the weird thing is, as scared as he was, and as weirded out as was at seeing my dad as spooked as a kid who's seen a skeleton, wasn't scared
>I remember that very clearly, wasn't scared. guess you could say was too /interested/ to be scared. If was scared, would've just bolted and probably be typing this from inside a year-old gorp turd. Ifi had a guess, it'd probably be that the fucking Adderall had popped kept me from switching into
“run home scared to mama's fit” mode.
well, you probably stopped reading two posts ago, but that's how met a "огр" and lived.
06/10/15(Wed)21:30:31
File: jpg (68
Opie, here. have you considered that what you saw might have been а megatherium, or giant ground sloth?
they got pretty big (it's top size was had long arms, and their skin was full of interlocking bones that would have been like natural chain тай
As for the "stumpy ass trunk”, it may have either evolved one aver time or might have had one all along. soft tissues dont fossilize and skin impressions of the face have never been found.
They lived in south america as recently as 10 thousand years ago so it's not that much of a stretch that a branch population could exist in the ozarks today.
‘some pictures have surfaced that some people think indicate that giant ground sloths still exist in the appalachians, a habitat not so different from the ozarks
06/10/15(Wed)21:32:04 No.26130937
File: sloth4 jpg (63
here's the
irginia ground sloth’ picture.
of reminds me of your description
Ozark Operator 06/10/15(Wed)21:42:12 No.26131084
just got back from the store and holy shit,
my fuck
my fuck
my fuck
that's a
THAT'S A СОВР
If you slapped on a dinky tapir trunk, stretched its arms out, and fed it fil it swelled up like a “curvy” landwhale IT'D BE А СОБР. HELP MY FUCK, ANON.
Like, a pretty paleo-nerd, science-brained but that NEVER FUCKING OCCURRED TO
For the last year or so, I've been CONVINCED that I saw a weird native american spirit monster, or an escaped government project, or one of those fucking SKINWALKERS that is always fapping on about, but HOLY TITS.
THERE ARE GODDAMNED GIANT GROUND SLOTHS LIVING IN THE OZARKS.
gotta call my