Having acquired a turtle, now needed to transport the turtle to the on-campus pond that effectively served as an Invasive Freshwater Turtle Containment Zone, but did not have a bag that could adequate

Having acquired a turtle, now needed to
transport the turtle to the on-campus pond that
effectively served as an Invasive Freshwater
Turtle Containment Zone, but did not have a
bag that could adequately contain him so had
to sit the rest of that bus ride, at the station and
all through the next bus ride holding the turtle
like the world’s angriest hamburger. Multiple
people were curious about and delighted with the
turtle. This is Perfectly Normal. Humans love an
animal, especially one that is capable of appearing
grumpy, and hands are for holding things.
the time got back to Campus, the
anthropology and child psychology building that
the Invasive Turtle Containment Pond was in
had closed, so had to figure out how to climb
the tree over the wall and get down off the roof
while holding The Angriest And Sharpest
Hamburger. eventually ended up having to
briefly shove the turtle into bra to get up to the
initial branch and off the roof without breaking
This is Perfectly Normal. Humans are,
as a bunch of barely-evolved arboreal
frugivores and really good at Tree Physics, and
don't know a single titty-having bitch out there
that hasn't used their bra as Emergency Pockets
at least once, if not daily.
released the turtle into the Turtle Containment
Pond and then had to solve the problem of
getting back OUT of the locked building, but
Nokia Brick never loses a signal or drops a call
(including that time accidentally dropped it off
a 13-story building in the middle of a call to my
parents and the damn thing BOUNCED but kept
the line open. miss that phone every day.) and
while campus security has been carefully trained
to not let people IN to places without proper
and а call to someone inside, they assume that И
you got locked in somewhere, that you got in
legitimate means and not Lemur Shenanigans,
so i just called them, apologized that been
working late with headphones on and didn't
realize been locked in. This is Perfectly
Normal, people have been lying to cops since laws
were invented, and will continue to so because
all cops are bastards.