>"sorry, my English is bad, I'm from UK" kinda true

Anonymous 05/19/21(Wed)18:04:06 No.854835459
>be me
>British
>Finish my cauldron of tea and decide
to have a cheeky wank
into my room and enter my porn
number into pornbruv.uk
>facial scan complete, login
successfully
>smashing.jpg
>pull out my wanking permit just in case the coppers
a willy check
>bloody hell it's 2 days expired
>still have my shagging license though
>decide to find a fit bird to shag
>head down to the pub and order a pint
>start chatting up a bird there
>she tells me to get bent
>bit sloshed so keep at it
>she pulls out an unlicensed spoon and stabs me in
the fanny
>coppers come and take her away
>turns out she had rubbed the serial number off of
the spoon and there was no way Scotland Yard could
use the weapon to track her down
>fair enough, decide to walk back to my flat
>hear ‘allahu akbar" and an explosion
>die
>pretty cheeky day overall