Warner Bros Greenlights 'Rush Hour' Reboot Starring IShowSpeed And The Crazy Ass Little Dude From 'The Raid' 2 "We tried to get a karate guy," says producer Bort Rotnhelner, "but they don't make famou

Warner Bros Greenlights 'Rush Hour' Reboot
Starring IShowSpeed And The Crazy Ass Little
Dude From 'The Raid'
2
"We tried to get a karate guy," says producer Bort Rotnhelner, "but they don't make famous
karate guys anymore. Everyone just does MMA. And we can't get a famous MMA guy,
because they're all either insanely uncharismatic, or, shall we say, not a good fit for a movie
about two people of different races that have to be nice to each other. Luckily, we found the
perfect solution." Rotnhelner holds an upturned fist out in front of him, then slowly unfurls
his fingers to reveal 5'2" Indonesian pencak silat master Yayan Ruhian standing in the palm
of his hand. Ruhian smirks menacingly before being returned to Rotenhelner's pocket.
"As for Chris Tucker's role, we tried to get a zany, leading-man standup comedian, but
apparently they don't make those anymore either; every new comedian-turned-actor these
days is either a hot chick or a self-deprecating fat guy." He solemnly shakes his head.
"Nobody knows how to wiggle their fingers and make funny noises anymore. Chris Tucker,
Jim Carrey, Robin Williams... now that was comedy. A Chinese mafia guy puts a gun to
your head, and what, you're gonna start talking about how hard it is for you to maintain
relationships? You're fucking dead."
"So anyway, we just got this kid here instead. iPhone 3. Show what'cha got, iPhone!"
Rotnhelner gestures to the young streamer, who performs a quick backflip, before turning
back and shrugging. "This is basically the closest thing we could find to a manic black
comedian with star power."
Filming begins next month in Qatar. The studio has already spent 40 billion dollars.
"What you want me to say? That the movie is going to be good?" Rotnhelner
sighs exhasperatedly. "Okay. It'll be good. Buy our Fortnite meal."